World's Worst Parrot Read online

  Copyright © Alice Kuipers 2020

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Title: World's worst parrot / Alice Kuipers.

  Names: Kuipers, Alice, 1979– author.

  Series: Orca currents.

  Description: Series statement: Orca currents

  Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20190169117 | Canadiana (ebook) 20190169125 | ISBN 9781459823754 (softcover) | ISBN 9781459823761 (PDF) | ISBN 9781459823778 (EPUB)

  Classification: LCC PS8621.U38 W67 2020 | DDC jC813/.6—dc23

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2019943972

  Simultaneously published in Canada and the United States in 2020

  Summary: In this high-interest novel for middle readers, Ava’s life suddenly becomes very complicated when she inherits a troublesome African gray parrot.

  Orca Book Publishers is committed to reducing the consumption of nonrenewable resources in the making of our books. We make every effort to use materials that support a sustainable future.

  Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada, the Canada Council for the Arts and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.

  Edited by Tanya Trafford

  Design by Ella Collier

  Cover artwork by gettyimages.ca/ekazansk

  Author photo by Emma Love

  ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS

  orcabook.com

  Printed and bound in Canada.

  23 22 21 20 • 4 3 2 1

  To my son Theo

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter One

  Ava sits on her white sheets. She leans over to f luff her blue pillows. She snaps a selfie. Then deletes it. Yuck! She pouts. Snap. Delete. Pout. Snap. Perfect! She draws squiggles and hearts around herself in the photo. She types some text on top:

  Good morning! Beautiful day. Time for breakfast with the fam. Lucky me! #homelife #perfect #Sundays

  She posts it to her 542 followers. No! Now there are 543. Excellent! Her post isn’t really true. There won’t be any family breakfast today. There’s never any time for that. Not since Dad left. This morning Mom is busy working in her home office. And Ava’s stupid brother, Gregg, is still asleep.

  Ava’s phone flashes. She has two likes already. So what if her post isn’t true? People like it. A couple more little hearts appear. Both of her BFFs post comments.

  @journey314 You are soooo pretty Ava girl!!!

  @purevision Breakfast with your hot brother. #swoon #luckyforsure #perfectfamily

  Ava imagines herself as a famous online celebrity. She flies all over the world. She gets tons of free stuff. She goes to all the best parties and galas.

  Ava is still daydreaming about her fantasy life when her mom comes into her room. She is wearing a gray suit, and her hair is freshly cut and colored. But her eyes are red. She has been crying.

  “Honey, I have something to tell you,” her mom says, not looking at Ava. She rearranges the one book that is out of place on Ava’s white shelf.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Ava’s mom sighs. She pushes her hair back, and some of it sticks straight up. Ava notices that one of the buttons on her mom’s suit is missing. Which is weird because even though she works at home, Ava’s mom likes to look perfect. Right now she looks like a hot mess.

  “This came in the mail on Friday. I didn’t open it because I’ve been very busy.” Her mom holds out an envelope with a handwritten address on it. “I actually thought it was a charity asking for money. I didn’t think…” She wipes her eyes. “Oh, just read it, would you?”

  Ava takes the envelope and pulls out a letter. The paper is very thin. It has loopy handwriting on it. There are a few blotches.

  Dear Ava,

  I remember when you came to visit. You were seven. And so cute! You loved Mervin so much. It is my dying wish that you look after him well.

  With all my love,

  Great-Uncle Bertie

  Her mom’s phone buzzes. She checks it, sighs and glances at Ava. “I guess it’s true. I just got a message from the lawyer. Great-Uncle Bertie is dead.”

  “Great-Uncle Bertie is dead?” Ava reads the words again. “Wait a minute. Who is Great-Uncle Bertie?”

  “Nana’s brother. You only met him once. He was very busy sailing all over the world. Huge traveler. No wife or kids. We met him in a hotel in London when we went to Europe. Remember, he had a room in that fancy hotel? That’s where he lived when he wasn’t at sea.”

  “I don’t remember him at all.”

  “Well, he clearly remembers you!”

  “What does he mean when he writes ‘you loved Mervin so much’? Who is Mervin?”

  “The lawyer says that Mervin is a parrot.”

  “A parrot?” Ava’s face screws up. “Oh my god! I do remember. That old gray bird. Super grouchy, from what I remember. Surely that thing can’t still be alive.”

  “Parrots live for years, Ava.” Two tears fall down her mom’s cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. You must miss Uncle Bertie so much.”

  “No, that’s not it. I hardly knew the old man. You don’t understand. His parrot is coming to live with us. In our house.”

  “There’s no way!”

  “Listen, if you hadn’t been so friendly with that bird, none of this would have happened. We can’t have a parrot here.”

  She’s totally right. A parrot would not look good on Ava’s online profiles. She has a spotless, white room. The accent color is light blue. The feature image on the main wall is an anchor—Ava loves the sea. Well, she loves the idea of the sea. Living in a big city, she doesn’t actually get to the ocean that much.

  “We can say no, right?” Ava asks. “I don’t know anything about parrots. I can’t look after a parrot.”

  “I don’t see how we can, honey.” Her mom’s eyes narrow. “It was Great-Uncle Bertie’s dying wish.” Her eyes become even more narrow, until they close. This is the face she pulls when she wants to shut out the world. She releases a slow breath. Ava knows she is counting to ten.

  “I guess you’re right, Mom.”

  “Great-Uncle Bertie is probably laughing in his grave.”

  Ava frowns. “Why?”

  “He always said I was too obsessed with being neat and tidy. Too obsessed with image. Now he’s putting a filthy bird in my house.” She opens her eyes.

  “There’s nothing wrong with wanting a clean house. Or a good image.”

  Ava’s mom smiles. “You are a girl after my own heart. We’ll figure out how to stop that parrot from coming here. Dying wish or not. I’ll message the lawyer.” She taps on her phone.

  Her phone buzzes in reply. She reads the screen, then holds it up for Ava to see.

  Mervin already on his way. Express Post. Should arrive this afternoon.

  He’s an African gray parrot. With a nasty bite!

  “I’m not looking after a parrot, Mom!” Ava yells. “You have to stop this!”

  There’s a thud in the next room. It’s Ava’s big brother jumping out of bed. He appears at her door
way, scratching his chest. He’s tall, with dark hair and eyes. Her BFFs think he’s hot. Over the last year he has gone from being a skinny, annoying boy into the guy they all want to get to know. Ava can’t understand what they see in him. Right now he’s in worn-out sweats that are stained with coffee. He farts.

  “Get out!” Ava yells.

  “Not until I find out what’s going on in here,” Gregg says. He always has such a loud voice.

  “Quality family time,” says Ava sarcastically.

  Their mom closes her eyes and breathes out.

  “Seriously, what’s all the yelling about?” Gregg asks. Even more loudly.

  Ava holds out the letter. Gregg snatches it. He reads it and then collapses into laughter. “You’re getting a parrot, Ava? Miss Prissy Pants?”

  “What? Are you five years old? Don’t call me that.”

  “We should put it right here. On your empty desk that looks so perfect because you never use it!” He falls onto Ava’s bed, laughing harder.

  Their mom squeezes her eyes more tightly shut.

  “See?” Ava says to no one. “A perfect family Sunday.”

  Chapter Two

  Ava hears the doorbell but doesn’t move. She is never going to move again. She knows some people love animals. They are all about cute, fluffy pets. Their online feeds are full of adorable pet pictures. Ava scrolls through her phone. Maybe she could do adorable pet pictures. Maybe she could make Mervin the parrot into an internet superstar. Cute and adorable. Ava and Mervin.

  Ava hears a loud squawk. Her mom yells, “Ava, come here!”

  Gregg bursts into laughter. Again. He is such a jerk.

  Ava gets off her bed. Opening her bedroom door, she sees a huge, fancy cage in the hall. It comes up to her chest, and it looks like it’s made of gold. Inside, a scruffy parrot with beady eyes blinks at Ava.

  “Wow. That cage is stunning. It’s going to look amazing in my room!” Ava says.

  “In your room, Monkey Face?” Gregg says. “I thought you said you were going to die if you had to be anywhere near the parrot.”

  “Well, I’m making the most of a bad situation.” Ava sticks her tongue out at him. “And don’t call me Monkey Face!”

  The parrot lets out another really loud squawk. And Ava thought Gregg was loud. This bird just might burst her eardrums.

  “Mervin! Hello!” Ava steps closer to the cage. The parrot cocks its head.

  “MONKEY FACE!” it screeches.

  Gregg explodes with laughter. “Monkey Face! That’s right. That’s her name!” He points at Ava and laughs again.

  “Shut up, Gregg! You’re such an idiot.”

  “IDIOT. MONKEY FACE!” says the bird. Then it squawks again.

  “Stop it!” Ava cries.

  Their mom, who was signing something for the delivery guy, comes over. She says, “He says we have to keep him for at least today. We can call the zoo tomorrow.”

  “The zoo!” says Gregg. “You can’t send this bird to the zoo. You know it was Great-Uncle Bertie’s dying wish that Ava care for this bird. She must look after it. She must love it!” He laughs again.

  Ava thwacks him in the stomach.

  “PRETTY,” the bird says to their mom.

  “Well, aren’t you sweet?” she replies. “Maybe Gregg has a point. Perhaps we should at least try to honor Uncle Bertie’s wish.”

  “I agree,” Ava says. She is thinking about how nice the cage will look in her next online post. She imagines her followers falling in love with her adorable new pet.

  “You agree?” Gregg asks.

  “Absolutely. Can you pretty please help bring the cage into my bedroom?”

  Gregg, who seems a bit stunned by Ava being so nice, picks up the cage.

  “Actually, hang on, brother dear.” Ava holds up her phone and frames a photo. Mervin has one eye looking at the screen. Just behind her head. Ava purses her lips. The image of the two of them together makes for an interesting and beautiful photo. Perfect. She is about to snap the shot when Gregg stumbles.

  “This thing is heavy!” he cries.

  As the cage jolts, the latch on the cage door catches in Ava’s hair. She screams in pain. The golden doorway yanks open as she drops her phone. There is a rustle of feathers. Then Mervin the parrot blasts out of the cage. He is so fast! And so big! He flies around the living room. “IDIOT MONKEY FACE, IDIOT MONKEY FACE!” Mervin yells.

  Their mom screams. Gregg grabs Ava’s phone. Ava is still trying to pull her hair free of the cage.

  “Stop it, Gregg!”

  He holds up her phone and takes a photo. He types on the screen.

  “What are you doing?” Ava screams.

  He reads out loud as he types, “Welcoming our newest member of the fam! Hashtag Perfect Family Sunday. That’s your type of post, right, Ava?”

  “Do not post that!” Ava detaches herself from the cage and runs toward him.

  He holds the phone over his head. She jumps up. But Gregg is too tall now. Ava hits him. He laughs.

  Mervin swoops. “MONKEY FACE! IDIOT!”

  Their mom slides into an armchair. “Oh,” she says. It sounds as if all the air has gone out of her.

  Ava watches Mervin deposit bird poop directly on their mom’s head.

  “You are blowing up the internet, little sister!” Gregg yells. “It’s already been liked thirty times! Yes! Now someone is sharing it!”

  “What?”

  Gregg is staring at Ava’s phone, holding it above his head.

  “What did you do?” Ava asks, panic in her eyes.

  “Posted for you. I know you’ve always dreamed of being an internet superstar. Well, now you are!”

  Gregg angles the phone so Ava can see. She still can’t reach it from his outstretched hand.

  But now she can see what everyone is seeing. The image is of Ava, mouth open, hair tangled in the cage door. Her eyes are as wide as her mouth. She looks crazy. And even more crazy-looking is the bird in the background. It is in midflight, beak pointed toward Ava, one eye perfectly in focus.

  “Now that is a good photo, Monkey Face,” Gregg says. “I don’t know how I got that eyeball in focus like that. I mean, I must be a genius.”

  “You’re a nightmare!” Ava shrieks.

  “Gregg, give your sister her phone back,” their mom says. She gets up from the armchair. “It is a good photo though. You’re right. Perfect focus.”

  “What have you done?” Ava screams.

  “A hundred likes, little sister! In, like, three minutes! And you have, wow, 665 followers now! I’m going to be your social media manager!”

  “Gregg, stop!” Ava screams. Again. She keeps screaming, but her new reality isn’t changing.

  Mervin lands on Ava’s head. She puts up both of her hands and staggers backward. “Mervin, off!”

  Gregg brings the phone down and snaps another shot. “Got you! This is awesome!”

  “What are you doing! No, Gregg, don’t post anything else. Please!” Ava begs.

  “Gregg, enough.” Their mom puts her hands on her hips. She doesn’t seem to have noticed the poop in her hair.

  “This is for you, Ava! You’re internet-famous. Like you always wanted. How’s this? My buddy birdy and me enjoying life. Hashtag avaandmervin.”

  Ava and Mervin. Hmm. Ava had been thinking of hashtags before Mervin landed on her head. Now she has bird claws digging into her scalp. Her brother is destroying her life. And her mom still looks like she’s about to faint.

  “We have to get this bird out of here, Mom!” Ava yells.

  “No need to shout, honey. First we have to get the bird out of your hair.”

  Suddenly Mervin lifts off from Ava’s head. He swoops to the top of the curtain rail. Poops again. On the curtain. Then he says in a sad voice, “HOME.”

  Gregg snorts. “He’s like a feathery E.T.”

  “What’s an E.T.?” Ava asks.

  “A character in a great movie. You’ve never seen it? It’s about an
alien who just wants to go home. Like your bird. Here, Mervin,” Gregg calls. He holds out an arm. “Poor guy. Come to Gregg.”

  The bird soars over. He lands on Gregg’s arm.

  While Gregg is distracted by the stupid bird, Ava grabs her phone.

  How is it possible that she now has 801 followers? This is what she’s always wanted. But right now she would rather die. She deletes both posts. But even as she does, someone shares screenshots of them, tagging her. These pictures are never going away.

  Her life is over.

  Chapter Three

  Walking to school, Ava stays as far behind Gregg as possible. She hates him. She hates the parrot more. Gregg and their mom made her keep the horrible animal in her room last night. Their mom said they couldn’t get rid of him because it was Sunday. There was nowhere to call—even the delivery people didn’t answer their phone. And after their mom discovered the poop in her hair and on the curtain, Mervin was banned from the living room.

  Mervin squawked and called Ava “Monkey Face” all night long. She hardly slept, the bird was so noisy.

  It is a cold gray day. As cold and gray as Ava feels inside.

  There was another reason she was awake all night. Ava kept checking her phone.

  She checks it again now. Almost 1,000 followers! And loads of messages asking for more #mervinandava pictures.

  How can Ava even go to school? Her reputation is ruined.

  As Gregg gets to the school doors, he turns and waves. “Have you forgiven me yet, little sister?” he yells.

  Ava puts in her earbuds and turns her music up loud.

  It doesn’t help. She can still hear Gregg laughing.

  As Ava enters the school, she keeps the music at high volume. She slinks toward her locker. She keeps her eyes straight ahead. But she can feel the difference in the air around her. People are staring at her. How many of them have seen the parrot posts? Everyone in the whole school, it seems.

  Ava’s BFFs, the two Kims, grab Ava. One on each side. They hug and squeeze her. She pulls out her earbuds.

  “That parrot is disgusting!” Kim B. says.